Warhead (1996)

Background: We're back with more action from star Frank Zagarino, previously seen on The Depths in Armstrong. He gave such a truly fun performance in the truly middling Armstrong that I needed to watch more of him. Here's to hoping that his star shines as brightly in this movie. Though the title Warhead may be a little generic, other titles he stars in are far more bombastic like an entire series of Airboss movies, and perhaps most fittingly, a Command & Conquer game. C&C, as it's known, is a series of real time strategy games where the player builds bases and commands large armies to battle either for or against an evil faction known as the Brotherhood Of Nod. The games have long been known for their use of live action video, and the really cheesy acting contained within.

Moreover, he's squaring off once again against Joe Lara, A.K.A. Ponytail from Armstrong. He is again playing an evil man who strokes his evil beard in an evil way. Whereas Armstrong had him in a weird secondary position, this movie has him as the head of a paramilitary group, so he should be able to flourish in the same way as Zagarino.

Like Armstrong, this movie was released by Nu Image, a company known for releasing action movies big and small. Though they feature big titles like The Expendables and its impending sequel on the main page of their website, another featured title is called Spiders 3D which looks just crummy enough to possibly be a future entry into the Depths.

Plot: The movie starts with nazi imagery in France, and links it quickly to American Neonazi skinhead groups and the KKK. We learn all this through a narrator over some stock footage. The narrator has a weird high pass filter on his voice that doesn't seem to make a whole lot of sense. In fact, none of this makes sense, because it doesn't connect to the movie at all. We next meet Senator Brickman, who is giving a speech on television, denouncing the actions of the United Patriotic Movement, or UPM, led with great aplomb by Joe Lara. He's watching the televised address of himself from his office, which explodes.

Turns out this was also the work of the UPM, one of whom remarks that Brickman was "Thrown out of office" because action movies are awesome like that. The UPM is holed up in a compound that's soon to be raided by the army, led by Frank Zagarino. Frank and his boys (and one girl) don't even suffer a casualty as they take down dozens of Lara's men, though the big man eludes them. He flees to Haiti (I think) with one Dr. Evans, who has devised a program to override nuclear launch codes.

Zagarino and company chase after the UPM until one fateful ambush on a bridge. Here, instead of the the rout of the UPM of the first action scene, the army takes wquite a beating. In fact, after this, only Zagarino remains alive. And now he's mad. Not quite as mad as Lara though who just plain hates government. He gives some strangely libertarian leaning diatribe before announcing that unless the President steps down within 12 hours, he'll launch a nuclear warhead at Washington. You can guess where it goes from there. That's right. Action.

Why Was It Forgotten? Well, just because names like Frank Zagarino and Joe Lara ring loud in the top secret Depths Of Netflix headquarters, a good 98% of Americans have never heard of either of them. This movie clearly spent a lot on action set pieces and it shows. Big explosions, quality film stock and more shine through, all things that Armstrong sorely lacked. The big problem is that the director, Mark Roper, doesn't seem to have a damn clue what a military operation might look like. People dive for cover, but spend way more time way out in the open, fist fights break out in the middle of active firefights and small things explode in gigantic fireballs. Also, small 9mm handguns appear to have the stopping and penetration power of high caliber rifles. The action may move well, but it doesn't make a lick of sense.

What Went Right? Okay, well, I sorta like that it doesn't make a lick of sense. When given the choice between realism and over-the-top ridiculousness, Warhead always chooses the latter, which is always the right choice for an action movie. I need only to point to the recent hit Crank with Jason Statham to prove this point.

Also, while Zagarino is slightly nondescript in this role, Joe Lara is hammier than Easter dinner. He knows he's the bad guy and even his character seems to know it too. He watches along with the (apparently infamous) ambush on the bridge scene from afar, pantomiming explosions and generally just acting like he he thinks a sociopath might be. 

Verdict: The plot is asinine, the action is ridiculous. Who could ask for anything more?